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Archive for January, 2009

Jib&Koans February Contest for #8 [New York]!!!

Posted on: January 28th, 2009 by The Jib

That’s right, TF2 Newbs is comin’ at you live with another contest in which you get the opportunity to gain fame, fortune, and the first run of some TF2 Newbs Gear.

What it is:

A contest of wits, skill, and teamwork to be taking place on Server #8 [New York]

Starting February 2nd HLX Stats WITH A TWIST will start to be tabulated. The Contest will run until Saturday February 28th in which the winners will be announced.

How Does it Work?:
Rather than going strictly off of the standard ‘points earned’ from our stats, we decided to make our own NEWB Equation of what we find to be important in a solid overall player. There will be 5 or 6 stats plugged into an equation which equates to NEWB POINTS.

Newb Points? What the…:
Easssy eassy.. I know what you’re thinking. “But Jib, I’m a solid overall team player, who makes an honorable difference on my team.. But I’ll have no chance winning this versus the stat whores”

WRONG… and here’s why. Our specially formulated NEWB Equation is designed to find the best overall players, not the whores. We can’t give away the details but I can tell you uberwanking won’t save you, overall points will be considered, and time on the server is a factor. Beyond that we’ll leave it a mystery to promote solid play.

Oh yea. you know it. Top 3 places will be awarded our first run of OFFICIAL TF2 NEWBS TSHIRTS. These are a special one time design that cannot be purchased, or replicated. (Compliments of Jib)

In addition to the gear, First place will be awarded their choice of an EA game! Koans will be posting a list of donated titles to choose from.

What now?!
The only requirement for this contest is that you’re a member of our forums! Once that’s in check get your self on the server and get to work! Keep in mind the objectives of TF2, don’t be a whore and most of all have FUN. #8 [Octo New York]:
Forum thread


Fine print:
Admins are not allowed to win, and previous contest winners cannot take first place. Void where prohibited.

Need some authors over here – Team Fortress 2 Blogging for Fun and Free

Posted on: January 26th, 2009 by octo dhd

The title says it all.  Due to the postive response received from the recent submission by everyones favorite fatty Scott Eats Bullets I’ve decided to try something new(ish).  I’d like to expand the number of authors on the blog.  The rules/restrictions/wants are pretty simple:

  • Subject matter needs to be TF2 related, I would like it to have a TF2 Newbs tie-in most of the time, but its not required in every post.
  • Must be readable
  • Must be fun or informative
  • Must be (mostly) original (compilations are ok – but sources must be sited)

If you think you have what it takes, or have some ideas for topics for someone else to write about, leave a comment, post about it on the forums,1896.0.html, or talk to me (Add Octo On Steam) directly. 

Throwback. Screenies – RPOTD – What’s sizzlin

Posted on: January 24th, 2009 by The Jib

What it is friends? Jib comin at you live, with some hotness. Keepin it short but sweet today.. The title says it all. Couple little updates for you guys. Server #7 is now a Payload Rotation that is being maintained by Pam Beasley (Taraph) and SPIES!!!! Check it out, good times with good people. Server #8 [New York] is in need of some love and affection. Looking for individuals who want to step their game up, help start the servers and maintain them. Here’s your opportunity to gain some Newbs admin flags.

In other news, Octo’s machine is up and running.. He’s much more deadly with his newly aquired FPS and graphics settings.. So watch yoself.



Can’t get enough of them : )

Partay timee.

My offensive push



  • Moments to Brag About in Real Life
  • Stats on #4/#5!
  • Throw back, but hey it’s vent
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    TF2 Newbs. Your mom’s favorite server.

    I just Jibbed in my pants…

    How to talk like a newb

    Posted on: January 21st, 2009 by Scott Eats Bullets

    So there you are, playing a game on this fancy “Newbs” server. You’re doing your thing, launching crit rockets into people’s faces, when you hear “Fatty in the sink room!” on the voice chat. Confused, you stop to ask what that’s supposed to mean, and get destroyed by a spy (he never really was on your side, don’t you know?).

    Has this ever happened to you? Well now it doesn’t have to!

    Rather than hang out with us and slowly learn what all the weird things we say mean, here’s a handy guide. We’ll have you talking about sink rooms and hairdryers in no time!

    The first term we’ll cover has already been used a few times in this post, and if you play enough 2fort with the Newbs, you’ll hear it about 400 times per match.

    The Sink Room is the area of the map right outside the courtyard.

    The origin of this term has been lost in the sands of time (although I think the illustrious Koans R Us came up with it). So named for the sink that resides beside the doorway in the blue base, this room is the home of many epic battles. Most offensive pushes end here, ravaged by flames. Many briefcases are dropped here, ravaged by flames. Many pyros have died in this room, not on fire, but if pyros burned I’m sure they’d be ravaged by flames as well.

    Fun fact: the red sink room doesn’t actually contain a sink. It does, however, contain a wagon wheel. Don’t go near the wagon wheel.

    The next term we’ll cover isn’t native to Newbs, but we do use it a lot. Plus it segues into the next term nicely. So there.

    A Fatty is a heavy weapons guy (and this is his weapon. It weighs 150 kilograms and fires 200 dollar custom-tooled cartirdges at 10,000 rounds per minute. It costs $400,00 dollars to fire this weapon for 12 seconds.) Sorry, lost my train of thought there. So yeah, fatty. Of “Eat it fatty!” fame.

    The next term, however, is pure Newb.

    A Hairdryer is sometimes better known as Natascha, the heavy’s unlockable minigun. So named for it’s high-pitched spinning sound. This term was the result of a conversation between myself, Dingo, and Hal Jordan. One of them contested that it sounded like an air conditioner, to which I replied it was more like a hairdryer. History was made.

    Combining the last two, you get a Hairdryer Fatty, which is generally ineffective unless Hal’s the fatty. In which case you’re best off crying in the corner.

    Moving on, we get another term that I’m not sure had its origin here, but you’re likely to hear it.

    Saying “I’m faster” implies that you, not the scout, are the faster of the classes. This naturally makes you the ideal candidate to carry the intelligence. This phrase is often uttered by fatties, but also sometimes from soldiers or possibly pyros. I’m pretty sure Ggglygy was the one to popularize this, despite the fact he actually plays scout, and therefore really is faster.

    A fatty who is faster can sometimes lead to a Fatty Cap, in which the intel is captured by a heavy. This is remarkable because, as the man himself will sometimes say, “Not usually my job”. I’m not sure who came up with this one, or if it’s even a Newbs native, but I know I’ve done my share of fatty capping. It’s the second most embarrassing thing in the game, right after getting sniped by a sniper who’s holding your intelligence.

    There’s a subtlety to the fatty cap that bears explaining. If the fatty picks up the intel in his own base, there’s not much special about that. There’s not much danger to getting the cap, and if the fatty didn’t do it, somebody else would. No, to get the full effect of the fatty cap, you have to start from at least the enemy’s side of the bridge. Ideally, you start from the intel room, carry it the entire way, and cap while the enemy wonders how you’re evading their assault with your enormous bulk and snail-like run speed. Then you laugh, as you tear them asunder with crit punches, for you are heavy weapons guy, and THIS IS YOUR WEAPON!

    Sorry, got carried away there.

    Wrapping this up, we as Newbs have a rich lexicon, which can’t be encapsulated in one post. Therefore, you can probably expect more entries in the “How to talk like a newb” series.

    Until then, this is Scott Eats Bullets saying “Pow! Ha ha!”

    The Newb is strong in that one..

    Posted on: January 2nd, 2009 by Newbs Staff

    I had the day off today, and I decided to devote my whole day to doing absolutely nothing constructive in the real world. It’s one of those day dreams I have when i’m working four 12 hour shifts in a row.. Long story short, we had a few scrims today and i’m here to tell you about it.

    It started out like any other scrim.. zei|o messages me, I ask if we have 6 – we do – log on vent – dondi found some randos who want to get down and dirty. sweet. So we load up gravel pit on #8 and the fun ensues. Memorable quotes from the match:

    Rando #1 on other team:!ready
    Rando #2:READY
    Rando #1:!eready
    rando #2: .ready
    vent chat: someone join their team and hit f4 so we can play already

    zei|o: WTF do they have two medics?
    gggly: hold on let me check (goes to spec)
    gggly: yea they have two medics

    (when you know you’re playing some pro’s)

    They barely capped A. Literally, they had like 3 seconds left before they capped it. One of their guys raegs because we have two snipers raining down bullets into their faces. they blame his pc.. he rejoins we restart. We run two spies. They capture A, but struggle to even touch B. We win within 40 seconds on offense. This madness continue for 3 rounds until they’ve had enough and the newbs leave. I hang out afterwards and play their team 6v1 as scout and they STILL didn’t win haha.. they weren’t playing too hard but still : )

    half hour break.. we regroup versus some reputable individuals on badlands.

    First map we get to the last point, but fail to cap all the way. They counter us all the way back and eventually win. Second round, we came out and pushed right down their throats,(thats what she said) ubered on the last point, killed their medic and won. It was pretty obvious the team who took the middle point first was most likely going to win. After that round they were pretty tentative at taking the middle point, and we really starting getting into a groove. We lost that one, then won. You could tell it was getting to them, because when we hit 2-2, they subbed in former Cevo-p V-police’s BLACKYMOSTER at sniper. I’ve played him a couple times and he puts people to shame with that red dot. He was such a force their medic was pretty much dedicated to him for the big battles at the third point. BLACKYMONSTER’s presence was felt, but not enough for them to pull out another win.

    They started switching their build with a pyro and BLACKY going to scout, but to no evail.

    Bottom Line: Newbs win.