*1 metric asston = 1.4 standard asstons.  That’s a lot.

But that’s not all! There have also been some other minor changes since the last blogpost. So that you don’t have to read a wall of text to catch up on the patches from the month of May, I’ll condense it down to this:

1. Crate #58 is the RoboCrate, that contains cosmetic items. See below for the complete list of items. RoboCrates are opened with RoboCrate Keys, which are bought in the Store for US$2.49. New Random RoboKey Gift tool items, also US$2.49, give a random player on your current server a RoboCrate Key (similar to a Secret Saxton). For US$57.27, you can buy a Pile of RoboKey Gifts, which hands out up to 23 free RoboKeys to players on your server.
2. The Pallet of Crates tool item will hand out crates to up to 23 players on your current server. It will provide one crate of the current drop list. (Each player receiving a crate also procs a chance that a RoboCrate is given to that player as well, probably until June 6th.) You can acquire a Pallet of Crates buy unboxing them from a RoboCrate or via trading; they cannot be purchased through the Mann Co. Store.
3. RoboCrates, RoboKeys, and related items do not have an expiration date. RoboCrates will continue to drop after June 3rd, but will do so rarely.
4. Items unboxed from a RoboCrate have a chance at being Unusual quality–of a new type of Unusual effect! More info coming soon.
5. 57 new cosmetic items, mostly hats. Many are robotic versions of existing hats. See below for the complete list of items.
6. Backpack Extenders are ON SALE, at 80% off (that’s 99 cents!), for a limited time.
7. Player avatars have been added to in-game voting popups, including votekick requests.
8. Fixed a bug that allowed mini-sentries to upgrade to level 3 on MvM maps.
9. The Phlogistinator now gains “Mmmph” gauge at a lower rate when attacking MvM robots and tanks (see below).
10. The Cow Mangler 5000′s laser projectiles now only mini-crits when reflected, instead of full critical hits.
11. Some items are updated so they can be crafted, etc. (see below).
12. You can now access the console on Linux and Mac versions.  Where was this before?!
13. You can now force your client’s download filter to only allow map files. This is important if you don’t want questionable user content (read: porn sprays) downloaded to your computer without your knowledge.

About that MvM Phloggy….

When attacking with the Phlogistinator (or other fiery weapon with it equipped), it requires 225 total points of fire damage to max out its Mmmph gauge. This has been changed in MvM, now requiring 1200 total damage on robots, or 3000 total damage on tanks. This is because the Phlog would max its gauge very quickly when fighting robots, so now the Pyro won’t be able to abuse the healing and near-invulnerability as often. (from the May 13, 2013 patch)

Item Updates

As of the May 13, 2013 patch:

• The Tuxxy all-class cosmetic item can now be crafted by the random hat formula.
• The Wilson’s Weave all-class cosmetic item can now be crafted by the random hat formula. It is now also tradable and giftable.
• The Ham Shank all-class melee weapon can now be traded and gifted. It can also be randomly crafted with the class and weapon slot token formula.
• The Soviet Gentleman hat for the Heavy is now eligible to be uncrated in Unusual quality.

As of the April 24, 2013 patch:

• The Blind Justice face cosmetic item for the Demoman is now paintable.

As of the April 13, 2013 patch:

• The Ap-Sap is now giftable, and Name Tags and Description Tags can be applied.

 Edit: Here is a complete list of the newly-released items (and the item they’re based off of in parentheses). Also, it seems that every item is available through the RoboCrate (with a chance of an Unusual quality)!

Base Metal Billycock (Backbiter’s Billycock)

Bolt Boy (Bonk Boy)

Bolted Birdcage (Birdcage)

Bolted Bicorne (Buccaneer’s Bicorne)

Bolted Bombadier (Bearded Bombadier)

Bonk Leadwear (Bonk Helm)

Bootleg Base Metal Billycock (Counterfeit Billycock)

Bot Dogger (Hot Dogger)

Broadband Bonnet (Glengarry Bonnet)

Bunsen Brave (Big Chief)

Byte’d Beak (Blighted Beak)

Cyborg Stunt Helmet (Sober Stuntmen)

Data Mining Light (Mining Light)

Dual-Core Devil Doll (Itsy Bitsy Spyer)

Electric Badge-aloo

Electric Escorter (Wazy Wayfinder)

Filamental (Apparition’s Aspect)

Firewall Helmet (Brigade Helm)

FR-o (Demoman’s Fro)

Full Metal Drill Hat (Sergeant’s Drill Hat)

Galvanized Gibus (Ghastly Gibus)

Googol Glass Eyes (Sight for Sore Eyes)

Gridiron Guardian (Football Helmet)

Halogen Head Lamp (Otolaryngologist’s Mirror)

HDMI Patch (Snapped Pupil)

Letch’s LED (Liquidator’s Lid)

Mecha-Medes (Archimedes)

Megapixel Beard (Camera Beard)

Metal Slug (Triboniophorous Tyrannus)

Modest Metal Pile of Scrap (Modest Pile of Hat)

Noble Nickel Amassment of Hats (Noble Amassment of Hats)

Platinum Pickelhaube (Prussian Pickelhaube)

Plug-In Prospector (Ol’ Geezer)

Plumber’s Pipe (Prancer’s Pride)

Practitioner’s Processing Mask (Physician’s Procedure Mask)

Pure Tin Capotain (Carouser’s Capotain)

Pyro’s Boron Beanie (Pyro’s Beanie)

Respectless Robo-Glove (Respectless Rubber Glove)

Rusty Reaper

Scrap Sack (Pyrotechnic Tote)

Scrumpy Strongbox (Liquor Locker)

Shooter’s Tin Topi (Shooter’s Sola Topi)

Soldered Sensei (Master’s Yellow Belt)

Soldier’s Sparkplug

Steam Pipe (Nine-Pipe Problem)

Steel Shako (Stout Shako)

Strontium Stove Pipe (Scotsman’s Stove Pipe)

Teddy Robobelt

Texas Tin-Gallon (Texas Ten-Gallon)

Timeless Topper (Western Wear)

Titanium Towel

Titanium Tyrolean (Vintage Tyrolean)

Towering Titanium Pillar of Hats (Towering Pillar of Hats)

Tungsten Toque (Tough Guy’s Toque)

Tyrantium Helmet (Tyrant’s Helm)

Virus Doctor (Grimm Hatte)

Ye Oiled Baker Boy (Ye Olde Baker Boy)

Battery Canteen (Power Up Canteen, and functions identically)

As more information as made available, I’ll post it–so keep checking back! Your website hits are welcome.

[N] Obey

1. Added the “Conspiracy Cap” and “Public Accessor” promotional hats to the game. They are not yet available.

2a. Some promotional items have had their restrictions removed.

2b. New info on previously-announced promo items.

3. Minor bugfixes, and one minor game balance fix.

1. Two new Reddit-themed promotional hats.

Because hats. And because of the April Fool’s TF2 blog post.
Both of these all-class hats are giftable and paintable, but NOT currently tradable, craftable, or even available. Just like some hats from previous patches (like from March 12), how to get these hats has not yet been announced.  But they’re definitely Reddit-themed:

2a. BioShock Infinite items are no longer promo-restricted.

So now, these seven items (Vox Diabolus, Pounding Father, Doe Boy, Person in the Iron Mask, Sydney Strawboat, Steel Songbird, and Blind Justice) are now tradable and craftable. Paintability has not changed. Oddly enough, they are not giftable. See pics here.

2b. New info on previously-announced promo items.

The following five items, while still currently unavailable, have now been tagged as promotional items for the upcoming game Poker Night 2, the sequel to Poker Night at the Inventory (which is just $4.99 at the Steam Store, and you can still unlock the promo items ingame, such as the Iron Curtain). This also means that you can SOON play poker with Portal 2′s GlaDOS, Sam & Max’s Sam, Borderlands’ Claptrap, Ash Williams from the Evil Dead franchise (yes, that Ash), and Brock Samson from the Venture Bros. cartoon. Which may be more intriguing than the new hats.

(Edited 4/8/2013: The game Poker Night 2 pre-release is now available in the Steam Store for just $4.99, bundled with a copy of the first Poker Night of the Inventory, so ya might as well just buy the second one and get all dem hats for the same price.)

3. Minor bugfixes.

The following things should now, probably, likely, almost definitely be fixed:

• Dispensers sapped by Red-Tape Recorders should no longer sometimes continue healing or not display a building destruction notice
• Added the guitar sound for the Neon Annihilator taunt
• Added missing cloak and crit-boosted glow effects for the Wanga Prick and Saxxy

The following fix is possibly more important, but has been changed. Now Red-Tape Recorders no longer remove the remaining metal of a dispenser it is sapping when it downgrades. So if you’re a cowardly, sniveling Spy, be warned that your Recorders no longer near-instantly erase all of the manufactured metal upon sap, so Engineers are free to recover that metal after removing your damned sapper. In other words, you can’t use your sappers to starve Engineers of metal to hamper their ability to repair sentries and teleporters. That’s an important game balance fix.

Hey, keep reading up on the Patch Updates, and forward others to the blog, so they can be as well-informed as you! Then they can join our servers, and we can kill them repeatedly! Hooray!!

[N] Obey

1. The Tomb Raider promotional accessory items Croft’s Crest, Fortune Hunter, and Tomb Wrapper can now be traded, gifted, dropped, and also crafted through the random hat/accessory formula. See the patch update for more info on these items.

2. It is now possible for server admins to change the timer amounts on King of the Hill maps for the Red and Blue sides.

3. You can now buy the paints A Mann’s Mint and After Eight in the Mann Co. Store (US$2.49 each).

4. You should no longer see should see less of hopefully see less of the following gameplay-affecting bugs:

• Invisible players
• MvM Engineer bots upgrading mini-sentries to mini-level 3 sentries (!!!)
• Some weapons floating in the world after death
• A hole in MvM Bigrock’s terrain
• Sentry Guns not rotating to their targets under certain circumstances
• Fists of Steel not reducing ranged damage from weapons with energy rings
• MvM Boss health bars disappearing

5. You can now add the Critical Kills strange part to a strange-quality Festive Grenade Launcher.

6. You can now add the Sappers Destroyed strange part to a strange-quality Neon Annihilator.

7. You can no longer add the Long Distance Kills strange part to the Big Earner knife.

8. The Manmelter projectile can be deflected. The item description stating otherwise has been removed.

9. Something that is not a bugfix: The TF2VRH has been added to the game.

This is an all-class hat promoting the Oculus Rift Kickstarter campaign. You earn this hat by redeeming the code for backing the Kickstarter campaign at any donation level before April 1st. The hat is currently not tradable, craftable, paintable or giftable.

Please let your friends know about the Patch Updates on the TF2 Blog! Guaranteed to prevent OMGWTFBBQ kills by informing your friends about new weapons or becoming aware of distractingly awesome new hats! Also, I plan to start item giveaways through this blog in the near future….

[N] Obey

In Case You Didn’t Know:

Players on TF2 Newbs’ servers often wear clan tags in their names. Do not place this tag on your profile while playing on TF2 Newbs’ servers before following the proper procedures.

[N]       Players with this tag are simply registered members. They are NOT admins. Become one by reading these rules, then posting on this forum.

{N}     Players with this tag are server administrators or higher. Do as they say or you can be quickly banned.

1a. Crates #40, #49 and #54 have been retired.

1b. Crates #50 (salvaged), #56 and #57 can now drop (and #55 still does).

2. Seven new promotional items are in the patch. Some are not yet available. Only 1 weapon, and it (probably) functions as a stock weapon.

3. “What’s In The Portal 2 Soundtrack Box?” has been opened, containing a Genuine Ap-Sap.

1a. Crates #40, #49 and #54 have been retired.

Crate #40 is the salvaged crate that could drop the strange Holiday Punch, Huntsman, Widowmaker, Mantreads, and Sapper. It had been trading at only about 5-6 keys when I last checked TF2 Spreadsheet several days ago.  #49 and #54 feature some strange parts as well as strange weapons. (Crates #51, #52, #53 are Eerie and Winter Crates, and had already been retired at the end of their respective seasons.)

1b. Crates #50, #56 and #57 now drop.

Crate #50 is a salvaged crate, just like #30 and #40, but is currently the only salvaged crate that can drop (assumably very rarely, like the other salvaged crates). You can bet Jurassic Park that if you drop one, people will immediately try to trade you for it; salvaged crates have traded for as much as 15 keys at times, so if you happen to be very, very lucky, be smart about it. Here is what you can get when you open a #50 with a standard Crate Key:

Salvaged Crate #50:

~20% — Strange Bacon Grease: new, what is this?!  (See below.)

~20% — Strange Construction PDA: new, Engineer’s stock device

~20% — Strange Original: new, Soldier primary weapon

~20% — Strange Invis Watch: new, the Spy’s stock cloaking device

~20% — Strange Splendid Screen: new, Demoman’s secondary shield

~1% — A random, Unusual-quality hat

Strange Bacon Grease is a tool item, that can be used once on a Unique (yellow) Frying Pan in your inventory, turning it into a Strange Frying Pan. So… why did they do that, and not just release a Strange Frying Pan? I don’t know why they call this game a “war-themed hat simulator” either, so think about that the next time you have a twenty-one second respawn in Dustbowl. I wonder if it can fry a Strange Egg…?

Anyway, here are the contents of Crates #56 and #57:

 Crate #56:

~20% — Strange Fire Axe: new, Pyro stock melee weapon

~20% — Strange Flying Guillotine: new, Scout secondary weapon

~20% — Strange Beggar’s Bazooka: new, Soldier primary weapon

~10% — Strange Part: Medics Killed

~10% — Strange Part: Tanks Destroyed (in Mann vs. Machine)

~10% — Strange Part: Long-Distance Kills*

~5% — Western Wear: Engineer hat

~5% — Modest Pile of Hat: All-Class hat

~1% — A random, Unusual-quality hat

*Note: It hasn’t been officially released how many Hammer units away would count as a long-distance kill.

Crate #57:

Note: In the next day or two, I will add the percentage chances of finding each item, as researched by the Official TF2 Wiki.

~?% — Strange Fists of Steel: new, Heavy melee weapon

~?% — Strange Neon Annihilator: new, Pyro melee weapon

~?% — Strange Jarate: Sniper secondary weapon

~?% — Paint: Mann Co. Painting Set: new one-use tool (see below)

~?% — Tam O’ Shanter: Demoman hat

~?% — Detective Noir: Spy hat

~1% — A random, Unusual-quality hat

The Mann Co. Painting Set, when used, drops from one to three cans of paint (of random colors, assumably) into your inventory.

2. Seven new promotional items are in the patch. Some are not yet available.

Wait–what?! That’s right, some of these items do not yet have a way to earn them. I’m sure Gaben & Co. will straighten this out in the next few days or weeks. But here’s what they are:

Wilson Weave: hat slot item for Scout, Demoman, Heavy, Medic, and Engineer.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

One of two Genuine-quality items received when you pre-order Don’t Starve before April 23rd, 2013 (base price $14.99).

Refers to the hair of Wilson, the default character in Don’t Starve.

Ham Shank: melee weapon for all classes except Engineer or Spy.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

One of two Genuine-quality items received when you pre-order Don’t Starve before April 23rd, 2013 (base price $14.99).

No stats are given yet for this weapon, but I would assume that it will do the same as a stock weapon, much like the Memory Maker unlockable melee weapon.

Bloodhound: hat for the Sniper and Spy.

Tradable, but not craftable or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

Had originally been planned to be released as Sam’s Hat from Sam & Max: The Devil’s Playhouse.

 Dapper Disguise: miscellaneous slot item for the Spy.

Tradable, but not craftable or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

References the mask of Handsome Jack from Borderlands 2.

Necronomicrown: hat for the Pyro.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

References the hairstyle of Evil Ash from the movie Army of Darkness (1992). Here’s the movie trailer.

Long Fall Loafers: miscellaneous slot item for the Scout.

Not craftable, tradable, or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

Resembles the boots worn by Chell in Portal 2. It’s doubtful that they will have any in-game effect.

Samson Skewer: miscellaneous slot item for the Heavy.

Tradable, but not craftable or paintable.

(Currently unreleased.)

Resembles the Bowie knife used by Brock Sampson in the Adult Swim cartoon The Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network.

 3. “What’s In The Portal 2 Soundtrack Box?” has been opened.

Okay, Obey. This has already been a long post, and now that last sentence doesn’t even make sense.

Yes it does. No it doesn’t.

Yes it does, and quit arguing with me. If you ordered the Portal 2 Soundtrack Box, which is still for sale at Amazon for $13.99 (but not on Steam), you get a Dota 2 invite and a promo code. Then, if you entered the code you got an item in Team Fortress 2 literally named the “What’s In The Portal 2 Soundtrack Box”, and it looks like a present. And you couldn’t open it, until NOW. Ohhhh. So what do you get?

Hang on to your Homewrecker, this will airblast your Wee Booties off. You get a Genuine Ap-Sap, a Sapper slot item for the Spy. It looks like a flattened-out Wheatley core from Portal 2. And. It. Talks. It’s the talkingest damned thing since Shrek’s friend Donkey, chattering whenever you do lots of different Spy things. (It’s tradable, but not craftable. Like any idiot would trade it.) Here’s what they look like:

Well, it’s almost 4 AM here, so I’m off to bed.

[N] Obey

[N] Obey

Admittedly, I’m still a noob at L4D2….

1. Sticky Jumper and Rocket Jumper are now craftable.

2. Three new cosmetic items promoting Tomb Raider are added; none of them affect gameplay.

1. Now Craftable: Jumpers!

That’s right: everyone’s favorite method of aerial transportation since the Mario’s Goomba Stomp, these shockingly nonviolent weapons can now be crafted.  They can still be crafted by chance with the usual token method.  Formulae are below:

– Sticky Jumper: three Ullapool Cabers + one reclaimed metal

– Rocket Jumper: three Manntreads + one reclaimed metal

2. Three new cosmetic items promoting the upcoming game Tomb Raider

Before you can recall the last time you played a game that had a female protagonist, Valve has granted your as-yet-unknown wishes for Tomb Raider accessories. (Take that, Valve! You do not have the monopoly on campiness!) Ahem! You get all three of these items in Genuine quality if you preorder Tomb Raider by March 5th. Hey, that’s Wednesday! That’s right–you have but hours to secure them.

Tomb Wrapper: Scout miscellaneous slot item

Not yet craftable, marketable, or tradable.

It’s a bloodstained bandage on the Scout’s upper right tricep.

Fortune Hunter: Engineer miscellaneous slot item.

Not yet craftable, marketable, or tradable.

A bloodstained metal axe that swings as the Engineer moves or stops.

Croft’s Crest: All Class miscellaneous slot item.

Not yet craftable, marketable, or tradable.

A silver metal badge attached to the wearer’s chest.

Hey, did you know that TF2 Newbs needs “Official Server Starters” and “Admins” ? We do! Go to the forums for more information.

[N] Obey

1. Seven new cosmetic items, with nothing that affects gameplay.

2. The Tux cosmetic item now appears to counts assists while in Pyroland (only).

1. Seven New Cosmetic Items

In order to promote the upcoming game Bioshock Infinite, Steam is giving away all seven hats in Genuine quality for anyone who prepurchases the game ($59.99 base price). There is a BIG CATCH: enough people have to preorder the game to unlock the hats. Assuming buyers join the bandwagon sufficiently, these are the non-tradable, non-craftable items you’ll earn (as well as free copies of other games):

Vox Populous: Engineer head slot item; not paintable, craftable, or tradeable

Blind Justice: Demoman miscellaneous slot item; not paintable, craftable, or tradeable

Pounding Father: Heavy head slot item; not paintable, craftable, or tradeable

Person in the Iron Mask: Pyro head slot item; paintable, but not craftable or tradeable

Doe Boy: Soldier head slot item; not paintable, craftable, or tradeable

Sydney Straw Boater: Sniper head slot item; paintable, but not craftable or tradeable

Steel Songbird: Sniper miscellaneous slot item; not paintable, craftable, or tradeable

Link to Bioshock Infinite‘s Steam Store page:

http://store.steampowered.com/app/8870/

[N] Obey

Character creation

Straight to the action with the engineer class! Think of thumpers like oil drill, except with an orbital drop machinery called a thumper, that sucks up the resources you find underneath the ground thanks to a scanning hammer that finds it. Then the fun behinds when the waves of bugs rush in to complain about the noise. :P
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Tour of the starter city Copacabana. The older gamers will be getting a song stuck in their head soon. Showing off some of the vendors and the crafting system.

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Showing off various menu functions, stations and npcs.

The Chosen are everywhere on the map. They have static spawns and random ones like this, where you you can get extra valuable resources while fighting off the Chosen. Sadly they were bugged and didn’t prove much of a fight, but the local wildlife did!

I also briefly talk about other games that I’ve been reading about. Shared the links below for those who’re interested. Also here’s some new info on the next special N7 multiplayer mission:

The Reaper horde is growing, so we must as well. Effective military strength needs to increase, and veterans must train conscripts so that they, in turn, can train others.

Allied Goal: Promote 150,000 characters. Victory Packs awarded to all players upon successful completion.
Individual Goal: Promote 2 characters. Commendation Pack awarded to individual players upon successful completion.

Commendation Packs will be awarded to individual soldiers who complete their training, and a Victory Pack will be awarded to everyone if the Allied Goal is achieved. Packs will be available to download the following week. Please note that participants need to set “Upload Gameplay Feedback” to “on” in the online options to be able to participate in Operation RAPTOR.

*Some restrictions may still apply, Operation Raptor is not open in all regions. PlayStation 3 eligibility will be determined as soon as possible.

Notch’s new plans:
http://www.joystiq.com/2012/03/25/notch-making-elite-inspired-space-based-trading-sim-sandbox-titl/

ME3 nom nom cupcakes:
http://social.bioware.com/forum/1/topic/323/index/10635792/1

Depth:
http://www.gameinformer.com/b/news/archive/2011/03/05/the-terrifying-sharks-vs-divers-multiplayer-game-you-didn-39-t-know-you-wanted.aspx

Legend of Grimrock:
http://www.grimrock.net/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/MeisterButtons

Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/Mrbuttons/

It’s not as exciting of a class compared to the Vanguard but if you like crown control thanks to Statis and Pull, and giving headshots like candy on Halloween, then this can be a class for you.

I also very briefly talk about some related topics like the single player ending, how promoting a multiplayer character can help your single player game and a new iOS game that’s taking micro-transactions to a different level. The links to those are below. Hope you find the vids useful or at least informative!

Latest news on Bioware talking about the ME3 ending:

http://blog.bioware.com/2012/03/21/4108/

ME3 Wiki with Promoting info:

http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Mass_Effect_3_Multiplayer
Flight Control Rocket:

http://penny-arcade.com/report/editorial-article/flight-control-rocket-is-everything-bad-about-pay-to-win-schemes