TF2 Newbs (Team Fortress 2)

For those of you who don’t know, Jigen wants a beanie. Like, REALLY wants a beanie. Beats me why, seeing how he’s a spy.

But anyway, Valve is being a bit of a jerk about this. They don’t want to give Jigen a beanie. And that makes me, among other things, sad.

See, Jigen’s a good guy. And I hate when good guys can’t get stuff.

Luckily he has a solution. Money.

As mentioned in this thread, he’s going to be buying a real beanie, and will most likely wear it everywhere, all the time. And take pictures to share with us all.

So, who would like to help donate to the Get Jigen a Beanie fund? You’ll be helping a great cause, and a great source of potential hilarity.

You’re on your favourite map. It’s full of people, shooting, exploding, taunting, whatever. Everywhere you look, there’s someone. friend or foe, doesn’t matter.

So why am I asking where everyone is?

Well, I’m not talking about players. I’m not talking about our 9 valiant heroes and their 9 scum-sucking worthless doppelgangers. I’m talking about everybody else.

Who?

You know, everyone.

Let’s take Well, for example. You are likely familiar with it. Spawn behind a rocket, wander out through a warehouse, fight in the middle while dodging trains. However, what you might not notice as you run off to kill and be killed, is that there are areas of the map that should be full of people. Meeting rooms, offices, computer terminals, that sort of thing.

And yet, those places are empty. Devoid of life. So, where is everyone?

For example, here’s an office visible in an odd corner of the BLU base on Well.

There’s a desk, a clock, even a phone. But there’s nobody in that office. Nobody to answer that phone should it ring. Which it won’t, because there’s nobody to make a call on it.

Or how about this room? It looks like a shipping/receiving office, complete with a keg of beer (the bases on Well are a distillery and a brewery, after all). You can see plenty of empty chairs and a door leading deeper into the base, but you know what’s not in those chairs? People.

This room (or at least the RED version of it) also contains the loneliest lunch in the world.

I think the BLU version has a thermos in it. Which makes it the loneliest thermos in the world. Does it contain soup? Or coffee? Or some unholy combination thereof? Maybe it’s a good thing we’ll never find out.

Now, the easy explanation for why these rooms are empty is probably that the RED and BLU corporations cleared out their non-military personnel for the duration of the armed conflict. But if that’s the case, why is there bulletproof glass everywhere?

Nobody can shoot the distilling equipment. Which I guess is a good thing. Horrible waste of perfectly good booze otherwise.

In theory, these places could be maintaining their operations during the conflict. Maybe with a slight risk, but they look to have enough defences in place to ensure the workers are at least somewhat safe. Otherwise, they’re clearly protecting themselves from themselves. And that only makes sense if friendly fire is on.

It actually makes more sense to maintain at least a light crew of workers. The brewing business is very profitable, and most everybody likes to imbibe now and then. These companies are just taking money out of their own pockets. Rockets, teleporters, and $200 custom-tooled cartridges aren’t cheap, and all of the above get expended in large amounts. I weep for RED and BLU’s accounting departments.

This theory also involves some bouts of reasoning. Were the 9 bloodthirsty warriors brought in specifically to fight? Are they always stationed around the bases, even when production is ongoing? Is that why there’s bulletproof glass, to protect the workers from a bored heavy? And how awkward must the watercooler conversations be for the workers?

“So, good weekend?”
“Affirmative!”
“What’d you do?”
“Pushups. Situps. Beat a man to death with a shovel. You know, regular Saturday afternoon.”
“Oh, um, well. How bout you, big guy?”
“I ate sandvich and cleaned gun. Puny neighbour tried to tell me I park too close to curb, so I introduce him to Sasha. Then cleaned her again.”
“Screamin’ eagles!”
“Well, look at the time… Back to work… Later guys.”

Worker turnover must be pretty high if they have to spend their whole shifts wondering if today’s the day they trip over a sticky bomb, or the sentry recognizes them wrong.

Another theory is that the workers are, in fact, our 9 most hated enemies. Have they been pulled away from their regular duties to defend the base against the invading army? Or to take over the other side of the map in a bizarre corporate acquisition gone wrong? Are they just fighting this war so they can get back to work (and had it spiral ridiculously out of control in the process)?

Or, maybe nobody’s there because nobody wants to be there. A war that’s dragged on far too long, with the entire civilian population killed or displaced. Maybe there’s nobody in the office, nobody in the distillery, nobody to eat the lunch or coffee soup, nobody anywhere because there’s nobody left.

At least they enjoyed themselves on their way out.

Grey Devil reporting in. Newbs’ resident crab-of-many-names.

A lot of members from Newbs have been spurned by the new item drop system (I know I have). And while the system may not be perfect, Koans decided on Sunday to give users what they wanted. No, not the new unlocks (but I’m sure he would if he could), he went one better over Valve. He threw another (in)famous Newbs Instant Contest: Win Koans’ Money!

Nothing gets people motivated more than cold. hard. cash.

What kind of depraved, whorish, insane shennanigans did Koans’ twisted mind come up with this time around? He challenged the #4 2fort server engineers to build a full setup in the other team’s sink room. Having to build a lvl 3 sentry, lvl 3 dispenser, and working teleporter (exit in sink room and entrance in the home base) proved to be quite difficult and Koans kept everyone motivated by doubling the prize.

There were a few people who got very close (Scott, Ggg, Steven and a few others) but in the end Waffle Frohman rose to the occasion and was victorious! Congratulations. I do hope everyone had a good time, keep an eye out because you never know when and where the next instant contest might be.

On a related note: I’d like to personally thank Koans for putting the time, expense and effort in keeping the community a great place to be. You dont have to be an admin to make these contributions; so if you’d like to donate money, complete something in Octo’s to-do list or anything else you can think of that benefits Newbs you’re welcome to do so.

You like girls right?  Wanna know whats better than a girl?  A girl giving you free stuff!  -

For immediate Release

Tara Wants You To Win cool stuff!

The Newbs T-shirts have been widely coveted by all the Newbs.

See: http://www.tf2newbs.com/forum/index.php/topic,2789.msg47582.html#msg47582

So… your chance to win one has started today with Tara’s Payload Pimps’ First Official Contest.

Play on #7 (Payload Rotation) and for each 60 minutes of play, you earn one e-ticket into the drawing.

Three winners will each receive:
Custom TF2Newbs.com T-shirt
Custom TF2Newbs.com Mousepad
Reserve Slot on #7
honorz

Newly added: Mini-contests.

Chances for you to win more tickets doing specific things.

The first mini-contest is for designing a new MOTD (that’s the screen you get when you join a server). Due date is Thursday for this one.

Details here:
Contest Details are Great!!! Win Stuffs playing Payload Maps

As always, the most important things are to play nice and have fun!  Oh yeah, and join TPP here: Taras Payload Pimps Steam Group (tf2newbs)

Its been a little while since I’ve wrote anything. We have quite a few upcoming events / special nights / etc planned.

First off - the HlstatsX:CE Stats will be archived and reset May 1st, they will be restarted sometime on May 4th.

This week:
Saturday Apr 25th - ‘No Spies Saturday 2Fort’ Where: Server #5 (69.12.37.15:27015 ) 3-6PM PDT

Sunday Apr 26th - ‘Stats Free Sunday’ Where: All Newbs servers with HlstatsX - No stats after first map change on Sunday, until first map change on Monday.

Monday Apr 27th - ‘Melee Madness 2Fort’ Where: Server #5 6PM?-8PM? PDT (This will be posted on the forums)

Tuesday Apr 28th - ‘Payload Playtest/Special Stats Night’ Where: Server #7 7PM-??? PDT Event Details

Coming Soon:
Friday May 1st - ‘Stock CP Speed Rotation’ Where: Server #8 6:00-9:00pm PDT.

I’m also working on bringing some new custom events to server #4, these should take place sometime in the near future - I’d like to do a play test of both of the mods done by Cmptrwz before we open them up to the ‘public’ =)

We have added an ARENA Rotation server due to popular demand - we’ll be testing it for a month to see how popular it ends up. Its based out of Chicago. Its ip is 69.12.91.12:27015 - I’ll try to schedule a few planned sessions for the regulars to see if we can boost the popularity of it. If you’d like to be a part of the server start up team please let one of the following people know: Grey Devil, Ggglygy, irlubomirsky, or octo-dhd :)

In other news I’ve been informed by YOU’RE ALL SPIES!!!!! that he is retiring from TF2 / Newbs Server Administration.  Many of you know SPIES, and have had him help you out on the jump maps, or played with him on the payload servers.  SPIES has contributed a great deal to the Newbs Community both by bringing in new quality players, and for proposing some of the community changes that have brought us to where we are as a community today (Such as the jump servers).  You will be missed, good luck in whatever you decide to do heading forward.  I do still plan on having the Newbs San Diego meet-up though, so please remember to post in the thread so we can schedule a date that works for the most people.

-octo

It’s been a while since part 1 of this series was posted. And yet, we’ve all survived. Somehow.

Melodrama aside, let’s talk about some more of the stuff we silly Newbs say, so that strangers will have an idea what we’re going on about. We’re happy, you’re happy, everybody’s happy. Especially happy engie.

Man that guy’s happy.

So, I forget what we covered last time, but that’s in the past, so it matters less than the future. Unless you’re a historian, in which case you already know what we covered last time. You can write an essay about it. You have all semester, it’s worth 10% of your final grade, and you can have unlimited deadline extensions. But you won’t write it, will you?

This bitter flashback to history majors I knew in university is completely unrelated to our first Newb-centric term.

A Crab Battle is, quite simply, a melee fight. It works best if you’re in a sewer or tunnel, but really, if people are fighting with fists and axes and shovels, it’s a crab battle. This one was popularized by our good friend of many names, Grey Devil/Crab/Comrade Crab/Bag’o'Crabs/Got Crabs/King Crab/you get the point. It’s loosely based on this video.

Just a note, it’s considered very rude to interrupt a crab battle, so if you shoot a melee fight you’ll likely get yelled at and/or called a baby. Such is life.

Following the melee theme, let’s talk about Uberwanking. This is what some people call “medic chaining” or some other boring term. This is, of course, that thing where two medics with ubersaws uber and melee non-stop. I forget who came up with the term, but I know I did my part in popularizing it.

Anyway, uberwanking is pretty lame, and I’m glad it’s not done too much these days. Danke, dummkopf.

Speaking of medics, all aboard the Pain Train! Also called a Medic Train, or a Sewer Party. This one’s kind of out of date, since nobody really says it much anymore. Anyway, this was that happy occurrence where a medic would gather up a horde of willing accomplices, and go charging through the 2fort sewers intent on busting some heads. This one is all Dingo.

The proper response to a call of “all aboard the medic train” is, of course, “Woo woo”.

This last one only really happens when the admins are the only ones on the server, and are bored. Or waiting for people. Or other situations, I guess. Anyway, Skybox Shenanigans happen when someone noclips into the skybox and starts building dispensers in the mini models.

Didn’t understand a single thing I just said? It’s okay, I am qualified to give you a quick lesson in TF2 map terminology. Aren’t you lucky?

Anyway, noclip is a standard fps concept. It basically lets you walk through walls. And floors. And ceilings.
The skybox is the area around the map. It’s generally a picture of the sky, and it surrounds the map so that no matter where you look, you see sky.
The mini models are a set of map objects that are generated outside of the map. These are small things that are embedded in the skybox, so that when you look outside the map, you see interesting stuff on the horizon. Due to ow they’re rendered, the mini models are shown in the skybox at a very large size, so they look normal. Stuff like the silos on 2fort or the train on gravelpit are mini models. Maybe the ship on granary too, but I’ve never checked it.

When you build things in the mini models, they are also shown at a much larger size, giving the illusion that there are enormous dispensers or teleporters off in the distance. It’s a hilarious visual effect, and not good for much else than goofing around, really.

I should have written this article a long time ago, since some of these terms are used a whole lot anymore, so if you give me suggestions now, I’ll get another installment out real quick-like. Promise.

This post was written while listening to this.
Good times.

The moon hangs low in the sky, casting a pallid sheen over the cobblestones below. The night fills with anticipation and dread. Tensions mounting, the survivors huddle together, waiting, preparing for their final fight.

Then they hear it. Footsteps crashing down the streets. The lumbering horde appears, and rushes toward the last hope for humanity, fists and bats flailing.

A shimmering crimson streak leaps forward into a fiery explosion, reducing the horde to a bloody pile of assorted pieces. A victory cry rings through the empty streets,
“MAGGOTS!”

More than an excuse to write TF2-themed zombie fanfic, this post actually has a point. Wow! I feel it fair to warn you that there is awesomeness below.

Every Friday night, from 10 PM EST (7 PST) until midnight (9 PST), on server #6, we are having Zombie Fortress. Oh yes.

If you have a bad memory, join Jigen’s Custom Crew, and you’ll get a reminder before it begins. You’ll also get the fast track on map playtests and other nifty stuff, so join the group and be awesome.

Back to business. If you haven’t played Zombie Fortress before, this is a really fun TF2 mod that pits the zombie BLU team (consisting of melee-only scouts, heavies, and spies) against the survivor RED team (consisting of everybody else with modified weapons). When a survivor dies, he becomes a zombie. When a zombie dies, he respawns. When all the survivors die, the zombies win. When time runs out, the survivors win. Easy as that.

I don’t remember all the special rules that apply to the classes, but they’re all explained when you spawn. I know demos get health for bottle kills, and I know sentries don’t supply ammo or metal (they’re more of a barrier than anything). I think snipers get ammo for headshots too, but again, I’m not sure. You should join and play as each class to help me learn. I think that’s a wonderful idea.

We have a set of maps intended for Zombie play. These don’t have capture points or intel (but we can play on regular CP and CTF maps too), so the only way to win is to kill everyone, or not get killed at all, depending on what team you’re on.

These maps are, in no particular order:
Zombie Dustbowl - Exactly what it sounds like. It’s Dustbowl, tweaked for maximum zombie effectiveness. This seems to consist mostly of turning the lights down and making things spooky. Works for me! Oh, and all 6 points are in one main area, not split up into three stages. And they take longer to cap. And zombies spawn all around them.

Twilight - No wussy vampires here, only zombies and big guns. And some trucks. And a hole in the floor that will kill you if you walk in it. Anyway, this is a pretty small zombie map, but it’s a lot of fun. Multiple routes through the buildings, and a great place for the survivors to toss up a bottleneck and spam to their hearts’ content.

Just a note, there’s a gap in this map that can allow a survivor to get into the little forest behind the fence, and thus be very hard for the zombies to reach. Fair warning: If you jump off into the trees, you will most likely be kicked. Keep it fair, everybody.

Asylum - A zombie outbreak in an insane asylum. Oh man, that’s a bad combo. Includes destructible environments and a bell that lets the zombies spawn in the basement if they manage to ring it. Good luck, survivors. You might need it.

Panic - No link for this one since FPSBanana seems to have lost it. Anyway, this one’s set in what looks like some sort of hotel or lodge. I can’t really tell which. More destructible environments, moveable map objects that you can make barricades out of, and some pretty cool breakable windows. Smashy-smashy!

We might be playing some other maps, but those are the big 4. Jigen is hard at work testing any new maps that come out, and your participation can help influence which maps we use in future events. We have a forum thread for Zombie Fortress discussions (Which you can find here), so come on by, give us feedback, discuss how much fun it was, and so on and so forth.

If you were there for last week’s zombie killing, we have removed Lake because it was broken, and next time we won’t turn Alltalk on. So if you’re alone on the Survivor team, you are really alone. So very, very alone. And tasty-looking.

Remember, that’s Friday, 10PM Eastern, server #6!

See you there!

Last year for Koansrus’s birthday he held a contest and gave away cash money prizes, well actually he bought gifts on Steam for people - but anyways….. This year will be a little bit different, on Koans’ B-day (March 30th) he’ll officially be turning old as dirt. To celebrate this lifetime achievement he will be having multiple mini-contests on the different servers. When will the contests be? _ITS A SECRET!!!_ Koans intends on joining a (random) server, enabling all talk and calling for an impromptu competition. The difficulty and goals may vary widely. Up for prizes are some games koans has laying around - there will be approximately 10 mini contests (which means 10 prizes)…. I’m sure he’ll post more on the forums detailing which games he has. He will be _SHIPPING_ these games to the winners, so if you don’t want to share your home address (this would be ALL people < 18years old) - politely decline the gift and still get the kudos and respect from everyone for being a badass.

Good luck, and happy birthday in a few days Koans.

Since the inception of the TF2 Newbs server (a stock rotation server) on the first day of beta one of the challenges has been to keep the server full, or at least populated enough where I don’t have to sit there for 6 hours by myself.   Unfortunately due to things outside of my control we’ve had to change the IP addresses of our servers a couple of times, combined with our rapid expansion in total servers (currently we have 8 maintained by me + 2 donated to the community by others) early in the day its common to find the servers empty, requiring people interested in playing to sit on an empty server waiting for those first few people to join.   When I have time, this would be me. Oh how I yearned for a way to easily invite my friends who were around to come play too. Once in a blue moon I could hit shift-tab, bring up the overlay pick a friend, and invite them to the game I’m in.  But most of the time the option just wasn’t there.  I then learned from someone very very smart, that all you need to do in order to get the invite option to come back is to change your ’status’ on steam, and it’ll magically reappear.

Here are some non-resized pictures to help.

Oh look no invite

Lets go change our status

Oh yay! I can invite now

You know you want it, I know you want it, so get me the picture. Huh? Oh yeah, I started that backwards huh. Okay, heres the deal - We all love scouts, especially scouts with bats right? And what better way to show how much we care about scouts (and their bats) than to let everyone know that our belts can bonk with the best of em. In order to get this wonderful, rare custom belt buckle all you’ll need to do is win a little contest.

You like games right? Well the name of this game is death. The next time you get killed on a Newbs server (Not those Newbies only servers, I’m talking about the servers named ‘NewbsTF2.com #’ ) pay close attention, if the freeze cam of your killer looks badass, press F5. Gather your best 3 deathcam shots, and send em in (details will follow in a future blog post). Be sure to keep the screenshots a secret, you’d hate to tip off the other competitors about how badass your screenshots are right? :)

Oh btw, a protip; if you hate tga’s, in console type: bind F5 jpeg
My screenshot directory is listed below, yours is likely very similar:

C:\Program Files\steam\steamapps\octodhd\team fortress 2\tf\screenshots

Simple huh? Yup it is. All screenshots must be from TODAY forward, and only pictures from the Newbs servers are eligible to win!!

The grand prize (the belt buckle) was donated by our very own dingo… Shes a girl, so if you report on this be sure not to call her a guy.  The contest will be decided by me, octo-dhd.  I am very sad to have to part with the belt buckle, but my loss is your gain.  So be sure to take advantage of my great sorrow.

Valid servers for screenshots:

#1 24/7 Dustbowl                    113.212.76.18:27015
#3 24/7 Bad Water                   113.212.76.6:27015
#4 24/7 2fort (Octo-land)           69.12.37.3:27015
#5 24/7 2fort (Koans Kingdom)       69.12.37.15:27015
#6 Custom Rotation (Koans Kingdom)  69.12.37.16:27015
#7 24/7 Payload Rotation            69.12.37.14:27015
#8 New York Rotation (Octo)         69.12.108.39:27015

For complete contest details check out: http://www.tf2newbs.com/contests/2009-Team_Fortress_2-Deathcam_Screenshot_Contest/