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Archive for April, 2009

Newbs News – Yay for Arena

Posted on: April 25th, 2009 by octo dhd

Its been a little while since I’ve wrote anything. We have quite a few upcoming events / special nights / etc planned.

First off – the HlstatsX:CE Stats will be archived and reset May 1st, they will be restarted sometime on May 4th.

This week:
Saturday Apr 25th – ‘No Spies Saturday 2Fort’ Where: Server #5 ( ) 3-6PM PDT

Sunday Apr 26th – ‘Stats Free Sunday’ Where: All Newbs servers with HlstatsX – No stats after first map change on Sunday, until first map change on Monday.

Monday Apr 27th – ‘Melee Madness 2Fort’ Where: Server #5 6PM?-8PM? PDT (This will be posted on the forums)

Tuesday Apr 28th – ‘Payload Playtest/Special Stats Night’ Where: Server #7 7PM-??? PDT Event Details

Coming Soon:
Friday May 1st – ‘Stock CP Speed Rotation’ Where: Server #8 6:00-9:00pm PDT.

I’m also working on bringing some new custom events to server #4, these should take place sometime in the near future – I’d like to do a play test of both of the mods done by Cmptrwz before we open them up to the ‘public’ =)

We have added an ARENA Rotation server due to popular demand – we’ll be testing it for a month to see how popular it ends up. Its based out of Chicago. Its ip is – I’ll try to schedule a few planned sessions for the regulars to see if we can boost the popularity of it. If you’d like to be a part of the server start up team please let one of the following people know: Grey Devil, Ggglygy, irlubomirsky, or octo-dhd :)

In other news I’ve been informed by YOU’RE ALL SPIES!!!!! that he is retiring from TF2 / Newbs Server Administration.  Many of you know SPIES, and have had him help you out on the jump maps, or played with him on the payload servers.  SPIES has contributed a great deal to the Newbs Community both by bringing in new quality players, and for proposing some of the community changes that have brought us to where we are as a community today (Such as the jump servers).  You will be missed, good luck in whatever you decide to do heading forward.  I do still plan on having the Newbs San Diego meet-up though, so please remember to post in the thread so we can schedule a date that works for the most people.



How to talk like a Newb (part 2)

Posted on: April 17th, 2009 by Scott Eats Bullets

It’s been a while since part 1 of this series was posted. And yet, we’ve all survived. Somehow.

Melodrama aside, let’s talk about some more of the stuff we silly Newbs say, so that strangers will have an idea what we’re going on about. We’re happy, you’re happy, everybody’s happy. Especially happy engie.
Happy engie is the happiest engie
Man that guy’s happy.

So, I forget what we covered last time, but that’s in the past, so it matters less than the future. Unless you’re a historian, in which case you already know what we covered last time. You can write an essay about it. You have all semester, it’s worth 10% of your final grade, and you can have unlimited deadline extensions. But you won’t write it, will you?

This bitter flashback to history majors I knew in university is completely unrelated to our first Newb-centric term.

A Crab Battle is, quite simply, a melee fight. It works best if you’re in a sewer or tunnel, but really, if people are fighting with fists and axes and shovels, it’s a crab battle. This one was popularized by our good friend of many names, Grey Devil/Crab/Comrade Crab/Bag’o'Crabs/Got Crabs/King Crab/you get the point. It’s loosely based on this video.

Just a note, it’s considered very rude to interrupt a crab battle, so if you shoot a melee fight you’ll likely get yelled at and/or called a baby. Such is life.

Following the melee theme, let’s talk about Uberwanking. This is what some people call “medic chaining” or some other boring term. This is, of course, that thing where two medics with ubersaws uber and melee non-stop. I forget who came up with the term, but I know I did my part in popularizing it.

Anyway, uberwanking is pretty lame, and I’m glad it’s not done too much these days. Danke, dummkopf.

Speaking of medics, all aboard the Pain Train! Also called a Medic Train, or a Sewer Party. This one’s kind of out of date, since nobody really says it much anymore. Anyway, this was that happy occurrence where a medic would gather up a horde of willing accomplices, and go charging through the 2fort sewers intent on busting some heads. This one is all Dingo.

The proper response to a call of “all aboard the medic train” is, of course, “Woo woo”.

This last one only really happens when the admins are the only ones on the server, and are bored. Or waiting for people. Or other situations, I guess. Anyway, Skybox Shenanigans happen when someone noclips into the skybox and starts building dispensers in the mini models.

Didn’t understand a single thing I just said? It’s okay, I am qualified to give you a quick lesson in TF2 map terminology. Aren’t you lucky?

Anyway, noclip is a standard fps concept. It basically lets you walk through walls. And floors. And ceilings.
The skybox is the area around the map. It’s generally a picture of the sky, and it surrounds the map so that no matter where you look, you see sky.
The mini models are a set of map objects that are generated outside of the map. These are small things that are embedded in the skybox, so that when you look outside the map, you see interesting stuff on the horizon. Due to ow they’re rendered, the mini models are shown in the skybox at a very large size, so they look normal. Stuff like the silos on 2fort or the train on gravelpit are mini models. Maybe the ship on granary too, but I’ve never checked it.

When you build things in the mini models, they are also shown at a much larger size, giving the illusion that there are enormous dispensers or teleporters off in the distance. It’s a hilarious visual effect, and not good for much else than goofing around, really.

I should have written this article a long time ago, since some of these terms are used a whole lot anymore, so if you give me suggestions now, I’ll get another installment out real quick-like. Promise.

This post was written while listening to this.
Good times.

Crit rockets vs the zombie apocalypse

Posted on: April 1st, 2009 by Scott Eats Bullets

The moon hangs low in the sky, casting a pallid sheen over the cobblestones below. The night fills with anticipation and dread. Tensions mounting, the survivors huddle together, waiting, preparing for their final fight.

Then they hear it. Footsteps crashing down the streets. The lumbering horde appears, and rushes toward the last hope for humanity, fists and bats flailing.

A shimmering crimson streak leaps forward into a fiery explosion, reducing the horde to a bloody pile of assorted pieces. A victory cry rings through the empty streets,

More than an excuse to write TF2-themed zombie fanfic, this post actually has a point. Wow! I feel it fair to warn you that there is awesomeness below.

Every Friday night, from 10 PM EST (7 PST) until midnight (9 PST), on server #6, we are having Zombie Fortress. Oh yes.

If you have a bad memory, join Jigen’s Custom Crew, and you’ll get a reminder before it begins. You’ll also get the fast track on map playtests and other nifty stuff, so join the group and be awesome.

Back to business. If you haven’t played Zombie Fortress before, this is a really fun TF2 mod that pits the zombie BLU team (consisting of melee-only scouts, heavies, and spies) against the survivor RED team (consisting of everybody else with modified weapons). When a survivor dies, he becomes a zombie. When a zombie dies, he respawns. When all the survivors die, the zombies win. When time runs out, the survivors win. Easy as that.

I don’t remember all the special rules that apply to the classes, but they’re all explained when you spawn. I know demos get health for bottle kills, and I know sentries don’t supply ammo or metal (they’re more of a barrier than anything). I think snipers get ammo for headshots too, but again, I’m not sure. You should join and play as each class to help me learn. I think that’s a wonderful idea.

We have a set of maps intended for Zombie play. These don’t have capture points or intel (but we can play on regular CP and CTF maps too), so the only way to win is to kill everyone, or not get killed at all, depending on what team you’re on.

These maps are, in no particular order:
Zombie Dustbowl – Exactly what it sounds like. It’s Dustbowl, tweaked for maximum zombie effectiveness. This seems to consist mostly of turning the lights down and making things spooky. Works for me! Oh, and all 6 points are in one main area, not split up into three stages. And they take longer to cap. And zombies spawn all around them.

Twilight – No wussy vampires here, only zombies and big guns. And some trucks. And a hole in the floor that will kill you if you walk in it. Anyway, this is a pretty small zombie map, but it’s a lot of fun. Multiple routes through the buildings, and a great place for the survivors to toss up a bottleneck and spam to their hearts’ content.

Just a note, there’s a gap in this map that can allow a survivor to get into the little forest behind the fence, and thus be very hard for the zombies to reach. Fair warning: If you jump off into the trees, you will most likely be kicked. Keep it fair, everybody.

Asylum – A zombie outbreak in an insane asylum. Oh man, that’s a bad combo. Includes destructible environments and a bell that lets the zombies spawn in the basement if they manage to ring it. Good luck, survivors. You might need it.

Panic – No link for this one since FPSBanana seems to have lost it. Anyway, this one’s set in what looks like some sort of hotel or lodge. I can’t really tell which. More destructible environments, moveable map objects that you can make barricades out of, and some pretty cool breakable windows. Smashy-smashy!

We might be playing some other maps, but those are the big 4. Jigen is hard at work testing any new maps that come out, and your participation can help influence which maps we use in future events. We have a forum thread for Zombie Fortress discussions (Which you can find here), so come on by, give us feedback, discuss how much fun it was, and so on and so forth.

If you were there for last week’s zombie killing, we have removed Lake because it was broken, and next time we won’t turn Alltalk on. So if you’re alone on the Survivor team, you are really alone. So very, very alone. And tasty-looking.

Remember, that’s Friday, 10PM Eastern, server #6!

See you there!